Hydrangea, My Favourite Flower

My fixation with hydrangea began innocently enough.
 It was spring and I was browsing at my local greenhouse. It almost jumped out of the corner at me as my mind began filling with visions of a profusion of blooms.The scent lazily wafting visitors as they approached.







                                                                                                                                                

I saw endless dried bouquets and wreaths and centrepieces and knew how I wanted this plant!

After purchasing it eagerly,I went home to plant it at once.






Now anyone who has been gardening at all knows how patient you have to be. Growth and blooms require time - much patient time.

The season passes and the following spring my hydrangea is a nice ,green plant. But no blooms. A tiny,speck of anxiety goes through me, but I am convinced I can correct this inefficiency. I start reading all the material on hydrangea I can get my hands on. I picked any poor unsuspecting gardeners brain, until I thought I had heard every remedy and method to correct my hydrangea.
I tried pruning,  replanting in various spots, watering with vinegar,aluminium sulphate and fertilizer.
Still the plant flourishes,but no blooms.
One spring I was hopeful when some buds appeared,but the flowers were small and weedy looking.

Finally, almost ten years later,I am in the same greenhouse and it dawns on me to inquire about the particulars of this hydrangea.

 

" I see," he nods."yes, I understand, but that certain hydrangea is native to these parts. Oh, that flower is all you are going to get. It will never bloom like those other hydrangea."

What a poignant reminder this was for me....... to accept and appreciate what I can't change.

How often I try desperately to change something,       only to realize it is doing or being
                                  exactly what it was created to do.

                              The good Lord knows this~ as for me?
                                             I'm still learning.

 

                    .

      
                                 My hydrangea today. Finally what I had envisioned so many years ago.
                                                      I am so grateful. Yes, for its beauty,
                                           but also; for the passionate lesson I will never forget.






                                                                                                                    

Though Much Is Taken,So much Abides....(Tennyson)

Why this restless,uneasy feeling? It's Monday morning, normally I am happy to putter about the house on Monday mornings setting things to rights after the bustling weekend.I thrive on a certain sense of order in my home;especially beds that are made and clean bathrooms.I love to hang my laundry outside and revel in the wonder of an unmarred week.
This morning there is something brewing in my spirit. I felt it beginning yesterday and try as I might, it hasn't yet been quelled. It feels like a mixture of that old fear/anxiety monster that I thought had departed.
Children growing up. WHY does that unsettle me so? Is that not what we want them to do?
We raise them to have wings,think for themselves, make decisions on their own.We want independent,capable,contributing to the good of society, moral, soon to be adults.
I pick up the pair of shoes my youngest wore to church yesterday.The ones that she said pinched her toes and are too small.It isn't a crime to outgrow something. Why does this at times fill me with such sorrow? It seems to be such a harsh reminder sometimes.
"There will always be beautiful clothes for them to wear",I console myself with this as I sort through her drawers to take out what's too small.
I pray for oldest daughter and peace in a decision over where to board for her second year at college.
So many things that need an answer.So many things that aren't up to me anymore.

I feel a peace begin to surround me. I hand these fears of the unknown to the One who knows just what I need,and has bountifully provided them for me.
I think of what I heard one sports commentor say last night "if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans."
 God, your ways are always the best.I hand you my fretting,fears and failures.

In Ann Voskamps book  One Thousand Gifts  she says " we shame the Bridge Builder with our worries,"
our demand to just stay here,or go back, but not to go on and again He comes to carry us, flailing and anxious." All fear is but the notion that God's love ends."




For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord,plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.
                    Jeremiah 29:11