Twenty Years Ago...Life Was Different...

in lieu of my daughter's recent birthday I had a wee stroll back to that day when she was wee, and I was a new mommy...

I looked at this rolled up bundle and knew again I had not created her.

She was herself apart from me.She had her own life to lead,her own destiny to accomplish;she just came past me to this earth. My job was to get her to adulthood and then push her off.

(excerpt from the book Kindred Hearts by Debra Evans)

Twenty years ago my life was changed irrevocably. I became a mother.

Does any other one single event change you quite like becoming a mother does?

I was ecstatic, and frightened, elated, yet paralysed with fear.

Somehow I grew into motherhood, and found it to be the most rewarding and exhausting pursuit ever.

Recently when my daughter turned twenty, I wrote her a letter.

In it, I thanked her for all she taught me; because if there is one thing I have learned from being a mother it is that you are never done learning, and for all that we teach our children, I think they teach us more than we teach them.

Virtues such as patience, compassion,grace, forgiveness,strength  are so often found most clearly through an innocent child.

                                 

 So when I came across this book on my shelf the other week, I began reading it. It was one I had never read and I find myself encouraged by the practical wisdom and thoughts.

My heart's desire is to be my daughters' mother and friend.This book is a look at achieving this in a balanced way.

She also dispels the notion of a perfect mother/daughter relationship as something that will never be this side of heaven, even though we may idealize some pairs to be. This reminded me of a conversation I had with my two oldest girls some years ago when I was tucking them into bed. We were discussing my mothering and my oldest put it this way..."well, you're not a perfect mom, but you're a good mom."

I recall not being sure if I should laugh or cry, but now it makes me smile, I'll take it...I've given up on attaining perfection here on this earth. I want my girls to know I am human that I fail and it is only by God's grace that any of us can love.

                                                                                                                               

              At each point of a child's life they leave us by degrees,and we     must learn to give them again into God's hands. (Karen Burton Mains)